The Idealization of Human Relationship

10.28.26

Throughout my life, I have had many relationships come and go.

I’m sure that is a statement anyone can align with. It is natural for people to come and go from your life, and it is almost expected.

However, what I have noticed is the common factor in many relationship fallouts is an idealization and imbalance in many relationships.

This does not just apply to romance. This can apply to friendships, family relationships, and can even go as far to parasocial/celebrity ‘relationships’.

Something I have discussed with many people is the constant expectation of stimulation and excitement in relationships. I feel that in more recent generations, especially my own, people are too scared of conflict and tend to hide away from it.

I think this heavily is influenced by the idea that has been put in many of my generation’s head that everything must be easy and simple. This can be seen in almost every aspect of life with people like this. People who want instant gratification will never be satisfied by the reality of life.

I have also noticed those who refuse to resolve conflict tend to be more connected online. I think this falls into my point of instant gratification and the need for easy, simple tasks.

So what exactly is the cause of this?

This is not just my personal opinion, as this is a common opinion among many age ranges. The normalization and availability of technology as well as the manipulation of the internet’s algorithm has turned many peoples’ brains into dopamine craving machines. Many don’t even realize it, but many social media apps are specifically designed to give micro dopamine doses with each swipe, like, and view. There are numerous studies done on this, I’m not just talking out of my ass here.

This affects every aspect of life, without many even seeing it because everyone around them in stuck in the same position. It is not by chance that people who deliberately distance themselves from constant technology usage often feel lonelier in modern society, specifically when in group settings. However, on a day to day basis, they report feeling happier and more productive.

This is not a coincidence. The human brain is meant to accomplish hard things. True happiness is found in things worked for.

Now back to how relationships fall into this.

Because of the cushioned society most people in younger generations grew up in (at least in America), they apply the same logic of easiness to their relationships. Conflict is no longer seen as something to be conquered or solved, but as something to avoid completely at any cost.

This causes problems because no human is perfect. This means no human to human relationship is perfect. So what happens when issues do arise?

There are a few different scenarios I have gathered, from my own experiences and those of others.

I feel the most common one is simply fighting. Because of the unfamiliarity so many people have with confrontation, neither side is willing to admit they could possibly be in the wrong. This leads to back and forth bickering that does not really lead to any real resolution. One side gives up or runs out of things to say, and simply says their apologies in the hopes that they can keep the relationship.

Another situation is the willingness of one party to openly discuss the issue, while the other is stuck in the mindset mentioned above. It can be incredibly tiring to a person who can acknowledge their own faults be in a relationship with someone who cannot. How is anything supposed to be resolved if one person is doing all the hard work to create a meaningful connection.

Some of the best friendships I have were forged from conflict. They involved fighting, not speaking to each other, and even going completely no contact. However, in all of these mentioned relationships, both I and the other person are able to admit our faults and work out a solution.

I think about my relationships with my parents. Obviously, there are ups and downs. I am extremely close to my parents. I do not think this would be the case had I just shut down and not engaged in hard conversations where we were in opposing positions.

Relationships have been so idealized by media online that many people’s minds are corrupted. They expect a friendship to be nothing but getting along. That is never what happens.

I think this could be a reason for the rising depression and anxiety rates in younger people. If no one is able to resolve conflict within a social bubble, how are they expected to create deep and meaningful connections?

Any young adult or current teenager can advocate that ‘fake’ friends are common and rampant. I sincerely believe this is due to the fact that no one wants to have the uncomfortable conversation where there is a possibility of having to acknowledge their own faults.

The solution to this is up for debate. The questions remains, should people continue in their superficial friendships, or be willing to dive into the issues that bother them?

I think time will tell for this. In all of the people close to me that are in agreeance with me on this take, I cannot find a single reason as to why some can accept conflict while many can’t.

A possible reason could be experiencing conflict from a young age and being forced to become okay and comfortable with it, though that would mean most younger people were never involved in conflict, which simply is not true.

I think fear of rejection is also a big factor in this. Many people probably wish they could address issues with someone, but in fear that they would be cut off they stay quiet.

This is not a dig on my generation in any way. I do, however, believe that many people need to get more comfortable with hard topics rather than following the status quo and the group consensus.

Although this is a major issue, I do think that finding deep connections today is much more impactful due to this general issue found in young people. Finding someone who is just as willing to resolve problems as you are often creates lasting and deep relationships that last. I know, personally, the people closest to me are the ones I have argued the most with.

My conclusion to this is a simple one, I just ask that if you are ever in a situation faced with conflict, to truly step back and consider your position. It’s okay if that leads you to realizing you are in the wrong. By acknowledging that, you create foundation for the real relationship to blossom.